Help. :(

So much has been going on and I just want to scream!

If it's not drama, it's other stuff.

Maybe I just get annoyed too easy. Why I sit and predict how others' should be living their lives when I should be worrying about my own, I have no clue.

If you're struggling, you should be doing things to fix that. Well, I am personally struggling. Not only financially. Physically and most of all mentally. There is something blocking me from the outside world. I constantly live in fear of people. Talking to them. I don't know what it is, but I wish it'd go away. Quickly.

Christmas is coming up around the corner and once again Ashley doesn't have any money to spend on anyone. Why? Because she's too stuck on worrying about what other people may think of her.

I'm afraid I won't be able to get out of this mess . .

It's been months.

Wow, it sure has been awhile just I last posted. Then again, this was never intended to be used on a personal level. Well, may be to come here and vent about things that no one else can see. Because although, I do not talk to anyone... I feel as though sometimes I am being watched. That I cannot say the things I need to say without the paranoia of someone not agreeing with what I'm saying.

Annoying.

So much.

SO much stuff has happened I couldn't even explain it all in one post. SO much drama. Been going to the bar nearly every weekend so I can see my eyecandy who is the bartender. To bad he's roughly 60, has some girlfriend or whatever she is to him and probably is infested with every STD/I known to man. I just can't help myself, though. He's so sexy!

It's been awhile.

I really haven't been home in a week. I was staying at my aunt's for the majority of last week up until sunday night. Well, I stayed home some days during the week, but think I was at my aunt's more than home.

A lot has happened since I've been gone. I'll have to update when I'm more awake, as it is almost 6:20 AM here as I'm typing this.

Tommorrow, an adventure.

Tomorrow will be one of the biggest days in my life. I've literally sat around and waited for way too long. It's time for me to act responsible and be a grown up. My friend Tiff and I are supposed to be going job hunting. This, I've never done before. Why... I'll never have the answer to. I don't know if it's because of pure laziness or knowing that I have almost everything I need with the help from my mom. Either way, I want to be doing what any average adult is doing. Work. I spend too many days bored. Wondering if my life will ever turn into a positive direction. It can't just come to me like I want it to. I've learned I have to work towards finding a way. I just need to get out of this depression funk or whatever to become someone better.

Wish me luck!